Dear Anchor in the waves… — August 15, 2017

Dear Anchor in the waves…

Letter one:

Dear Anchor in the waves,

You are the summit: the mountain-top view. To know Your name is not enough. To say that I grew up in the Baptist church is not enough.

You know me endlessly. You know my laughter, and my heartbeat–my passions and my reservations.

God, I know the things that you do for me. I know the facts, but this is not enough and it never will be. None of it makes a difference to You if I am not living in the convictions that come with knowing You. With expectation, I demand a change within my own mind and heart, to love you, to seek you, to trust and declare that you are good. I lean into You knowing that You will help me to walk in the freedom that You prepared for me under the banner of Christ. You are love and I have met You in every breath. You never give up on me, and I love that about You. Thank You for celebrating my returns; nobody greets me like You do. No one embraces me as fiercely as my Father. I really appreciate Your presence.

After all these years of only knowing the facts, I am ready for more. I want to organically put You first. With You by my side, I am sure that You will lead me on the greatest adventure I could ever hope for.

it will be beautiful






I will love you. — November 10, 2016

I will love you.

You are going to wish you were kinder to the sense that I am just as human and fragile as you are.

I won’t miss the way that you’ve misunderstood me. I won’t miss the way we’ve disagreed.

We became barriers for each other instead of bridges… and for that, I’m going to have to say good bye.

We had ugly times. We had amazing times. We watched miracles happen. We created a love story out of brokenness. But we are no longer growing.

It’s time for me to sing a new song.

I’m sure I will love you in the silence.

no record of wrongs — September 6, 2016

no record of wrongs

The evening sky after a beautiful run last winter. Every time I look at this picture, I am reminded of God’s never-ending love for the earth He created. 

There is nothing more accomplished than the love of Jesus. And it is becoming more and more apparent in my life every day. Jesus is not conditional. He is unconditional. He has a strong love for my every heartbeat. I know it.

The Lord goes before me in my life. He sits right beside me when the sun is shining and even when it’s not. He is with me when I have no one, when my mom leaves my family, when everything hurts. He is there in the trenches alongside me. And He pulls on my heart strings. He helps me make better choices. He loves me through my mess.

In the Bible, it says that, “(4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” -1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

When I was reading my Bible this morning, my heart really started to palpitate when it said, “…it keeps no record of wrongs.” It is scary to think that I have kept a list of grievances. I have held a record of wrongs against some people. I have done this many times. Just in the last week, I had a fallout with one of my best friends. I took what she “did” to me last year, and I made it a problem this year. I brought it out of the dark just to hurt her. I’ve noticed that I do that as a way to make myself  feel liked I have “won” the dispute. But that does not come from a loving place. It does not come from a place of kindness or protection. It derives from a place of anger and evil.

I have lived my life the wrong way. I have held grudges and I have said mean things. I have not loved others like I am suppose to. And I almost feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. 18 years of my life, I have been the mean girl. I have hurt people. I have put myself before others. I have done things intentionally lacking the consideration of someone else’s feelings.

There is nothing I can do to make up for it, but to live my life in such a way that people forgive me for the person I once was.

I am working on loving people with all I am, keeping no record of wrongdoings because Jesus loves me this way. It is never based on the nature or quality of present conditions. He sees the sinner in me and loves me ANYWAY. Through the help of God, I choose to love AND forgive other people without limitations and without motive. I choose to love people unconditionally even when it gets hard because Jesus does that for me every day. He has shown me what love is.