So here’s the deal: it’s time for honesty. I am experiencing some real frustration right now. From where it came, I have no idea. But it’s here, and I will write until it goes away. This is me fully expressing how I feel in this moment.

The events of my life reflect that I am not a play-it-safe type of person. In anything I do, I risk it. I run far distances. I push past limits, and I let my curiosity lead me to new heights. I say things that could potentially present ideas. Even when I am scared, I’m still a little bit brave. I like those things about me. But when people make me out to be someone I’m not, that’s where I have an issue.

So many of my so-called “friends” have not been friends to me at all. When I commit myself to being someone’s friend, I’m there for them 24/7. I would give the shirt off my back if they needed it. However, not many would do that for me. Being someone’s friend is not something you do because you have to. You are someone’s friend simply because they add joy and goodness to your life. They serve as a support system for you, and you do the same for them. I feel like I don’t have that with most of my “friends”. 

Honestly, it crushes my spirit. I don’t need popularity or a lot of friends to be happy. I just want people in my life that actually care. And to some extent, I have that in a few people. But on the other hand, I have a bunch of fake people too. I’m not trying to be negative, but it is what it is. 

It is not hard for me to spot a fake. I’ve been dealing with fake people since middle school. Always being the last one to know about plans or sleepovers, etc. Or always being the one who logs onto social media and sees all the events that I wasn’t invited to, but magically all of  my “friends” were there.

Just because I’m in college, does not mean that this has stopped. It’s continued, just in a lesser sense. 

I deserve to be surrounded by people who strive for the same things as me. People who see the little things as big things. I deserve to be around people who are not trying to please the in-crowd by trying so desperately to be the next big thing. 

It’s cool to be kind, to be loyal, to be smart, to be real, to be loving, to be open-minded, to be joyful. 

To be calculated? To be mean? To be fake? That, I will not be.