I just found out that a 15 year old, named Drake Yancey, killed himself. He went to the high school that I just graduated from. My best friend was actually his mentor last year.

My heart fucking hurts. It hurts so badly. I’m devastated. My body has chills. I can’t even explain the timing of this, considering that this could’ve been me a few weeks ago. I just wish I could have talked to him. I wish someone, ANYONE could have talked to him. I wonder what his last words and thoughts were. I wonder were the last words he heard from someone.

I know that Drake went through a lot and he fought a lot of demons. (We all do and that is okay.) He was so kind. So adorable. So tiny. I so badly wish that someone could have reminded him that he was worth it. He is worthy of love and he is worthy of wonderful experiences. He served a purpose and he did make a difference. We all miss him. I barely knew him. But it doesn’t matter. He was a person and that’s all it takes for it to mean something.

He was bullied and taunted. He was told that he was an “at risk” delinquent. What the fuck does that mean? God, why… Please, make this stop.  Now he is gone and we can’t get him back. And it hurts. We can’t remind him that he is the light of the world. We can’t remind him that we love him and that we need him. It hurts. So young, so full of promise and a future. Ohhhh, it hurts.

Drake, I am sorry that this world became too much. I am sorry that you got to the point where you couldn’t hold on any longer. This was supposed to be a place to foster your hurts, your hopes and your dreams. I’m sorry that we didn’t do enough. I knew your name, but I didn’t know you. And I’m sorry. This world needed you. I’m sorry you didn’t feel its tuggings. I’m sorry that it didn’t hold you when you needed to be held. I’m sorry that we didn’t love you, when you needed to be loved. I’m sorry. This world will never be the same without you in it.

You must’ve been so tired and so scared. So ready to be elsewhere. I’m sorry we couldn’t save you when you needed saving.

Just know that I love you. And you matter.

Rest in peace, Drake Yancey. 

This is a candid picture of my best friend, Garrett (in the orange), with Drake Yancey.